When Dan first wakes up, to say he is “groggy” is an understatement. We can have entire conversations and when I mention them later, he has no recollection of what was said. You’d think that after over 3 years of marriage, I’d know this. However, sometimes I forget and talk to him about semi-important stuff. Other times, I just babble at him.

Me: Are you awake?
Dan: mumblemumblemumble
Me: I made myself Lean Pockets. Do you want one?
Dan: mumblemumblemumble
Me: I think I’ve been eating these too often lately. I completely zone out when preparing them for the microwave. I was not paying attention as I opened the box and plastic wrap and I felt this piece of cardstock fall out of the box. I didn’t look down right away but got all excited and thought “I FOUND THE GOLDEN TICKET! WE’RE GOING TO WILLY WONKA’S CHOCOLATE FACTORY!” Then I realized it was just a coupon.
Dan: …
Me: Hello? You awake?
Dan: And you wonder why I sometimes think I’ve dreamed these conversations.
Me: Whatever. You’ll be jealous when I go on the factory tour without you.

Me: I think Blockbuster is closed.
Dan: It is. It’s 11:30 and they close at 10.
Me: Bummer. I was hoping I could talk you into renting Twilight or Princess and the Frog.
Dan: I actually wanted to see Twilight in the theaters, but we never got around to going to a movie.
Me: …did my 28-year-old husband just admit to wanting to see Twilight?
Dan: I can’t help it. What’s-his-name is so dreamy.
Me: “What’s-his-name?” Are you more of a werewolf fan or a vampire fan? When I blog about this later, I want to be able to insert a specific actor’s name.
Dan: If I’m vague, you can’t blog this.
Me: We’ll see about that.

Me: I’msoexcitedtogototheMuseumofMusicalArtwhenitopensinApril!
Dan: What?
Me: I mean Museum of Musical Instruments. Althoughwouldn’tamuseumofmusicalartbesocool?!
Dan: You are talking really fast.
Me: I bought two energy drinks this morning but I only drank one of them.
Dan: I can normally gauge how much caffeine you’ve had in a day by the way you describe your energy drinks.
Me: What do you mean?
Dan: You pronounce “energy” as “ennnery.” Your words can’t keep up with your speed.
Me: I don’t pronouce it weird.
Dan: Say “energy.”
Me: No.
Dan: OK, tell me what type of drink you had this morning.
Me: A caffeinated one.
Dan: And what do those types of drinks provide you with?
Me: Stamina.
Dan: OK, fine. What specifically do they call this category of caffeinated drinks?
Me: Delicious.

While in Joanns the other day, I saw two teenage boys in the scrapbook aisle. It was almost like I had fallen into some alternate universe. Two male teenagers? In Joanns? In the scrapbook aisle no less? Take cover! The sky is falling!

One of the guys asked an employee for help in picking out items to make a very basic scrapbook. She politely asked them if they were making a gift or buying for someone else. One of the boys replied that he wanted to ask a girl out to prom and since she’s really into scrapbooking, he thought she’d like the gesture.

*swoon*

Suddenly, I was annoyed with every ex-boyfriend I ever had. Where was MY scrapbook? Why hadn’t any of them spent hours crafting the perfect way to ask me out? This made me think back to all the gifts I received, good and bad.

The Good:
Recorded a love song on my answering machine when I went on a family vacation, so that it was the first message I heard once I got home.
A print of one of my favorite paintings, which also happens to coincide with a line from one of my favorite movies.
My favorite lipgloss, which had been discontinued and was impossible to find in AZ. He had a relative in California ship it to him.
A group of farce news clippings that documented all the funny things that had happened in our short relationship.

The Bad:
A poem that didn’t make much sense, which rhymed “Sara” with “lovely hair-a.”
A wallet made of duct tape.
A “mix tape” with only one song on it.
Because I liked cows, an ex gave me anything that had cows on it. Including a 1997 calendar…in 1999.

Dan’s lucky that his first gift to me was an iPod and the next was a Tivo. That man knows the way to my heart.