I apparently jinxed myself with the last post. As soon as I state that life has been good to me, I was thrown a curve ball. I have become a victim of the economy and was laid off. The rest of my week was spent taking it way too personally and eating cookies.

I also managed to work five consecutive 12+ hour days on the set of a short film. But that is another story for another day.

So after demanding that Dan let me feel sorry for myself and cry for a full 24 hours, I realized something. Being unemployed is kind of a blessing right now. I can focus on school, the store and upcoming craft fairs. I can finish all the projects that had to be abandoned due to my stress level the past few weeks. I can clean the house. (Not that it’s a distaster zone… Hi Mom!)

More importantly, I can take some Me time. Dan wants me to look at this as the reinvention of Sara. I originally took this to mean that he doesn’t like me the way that I am. After we got over that fight, I realized that he was right. It was time for me to figure out what I want to do when I “grow up.” I need to figure out what I want to accomplish after school and what my long term goals are for the store. I need to decide if the film industry is calling my name or if a stable business job is the way to go. I need to figure out what I want.

This led to more cookies, but it also led to the realization that I may need to blog less often. I need to focus on the here and now. I need to fill the store with oodles of cards, stock up for the craft fairs and begin production on my stamp line. (3 designs so far!) I need to catch up on school work and put my resume out there. I need to catch up with family and friends and take my phone off silent mode. There’s dogs to groom, cats to play with, gardens to tend to and one house plant left to keep alive. There’s Christmas cards to make and birthday presents to ship and Halloween decorations to put up.

Life goes on, even if this particular career will not. I think it might be life’s way of telling me not to settle for a job that I liked but didn’t love. It was time to find the real me, find my calling and figure out the future.

For the record, I love being a Lady of Leisure. I could see it being my future if Dan wasn’t such a fuddy duddy. He’s rolling his eyes as he reads this…

I was a little down this past weekend. I know, it’s hard to believe that I could ever be depressed, especially when there’s Low-Carb Monster in the fridge. But it’s true. I was really down.

Life has been good to me lately. A job in a field that is statistically failing in this economy. A hobby that has been making me money. A side business that has suddenly started growing exponentially thanks to word of mouth. A class schedule that allows me to juggle all of these things at once. For whatever reason though, I still feel like I’m failing. While all of these things in my life are “good,” nothing is “great.” I’ve always felt that at least one thing in my life was great and I’m having trouble adjusting to the idea that everything is… just ok.

I know it’s just  phase and everyone goes through it. I just wish there was an insta-cure.

You know, besides prescription meds.

Dan thinks that there are a few things I can do to make things better, but it will require some scary changes. I feel very lucky to have this man in my life. Someone who supports my crazy schemes and understands that sometimes I have to do things for myself. Sometimes I have to be selfish and illogical. Sometimes I need to take a chance, hold my breath and take the plunge.

If you someday come across a crazy cat lady, begging for change and snarling at people who get too close to her cart full of craft supplies, don’t be alarmed. It’s just me, still trying to figure it out.