I don’t mean to cause alarm, but it should be mentioned that Dan has stopped playing WOW. This means the sky is falling or the world is ending or some other sort of end of days thing is about to happen. Because, I repeat, he STOPPED PLAYING WOW.

It all started a few weeks ago, when I made a comment about how little time he was spending in front of his computer at night. He casually replied that he was at the highest level his character could be at, so until an expansion came out he was doing the same things over and over. It was boring him.

Encouraged, I suggested he find something else to fill his free time. I was expecting him to sign us up for dance lessons, start golfing more or maybe join a book club. I was picturing us taking cooking classes together (who am I kidding?) or finding a hobby we both enjoyed. I suddenly pictured my husband as a member of a hobby group that did not involve 12-year-olds and 40-year-olds living in their moms’ basements.

The next day, we ran errands together. We rarely do this just because of our schedules and it almost felt like a date night. Don’t judge me. I’m easily pleased. One of the stops was to Best Buy because I needed something for my photography class. Normally, I try to keep Dan from wandering too far, because he will suddenly appear with a gadget in his hand that we do not need but he insists is vital to life. Because I was so pleased with our “date night” and his sudden desire to find a hobby to replace WOW, I let him wander.

He appeared out of nowhere, clutching a PC game box.

OK, I had set myself up for that one. I acknowledge it and now we can move on.

3:08am – Heard loud noises. Assumed the house was caving in around us and/or a dinosaur had stepped in our front yard. Turned out to be the cats trying to kill each other over a rope mouse. We buy these in packs of 8 and they were fighting over a single one. Threatened to let in the dogs, tossed another rope mouse in their general direction and rolled over to go back to sleep.

I may or may not have accidentally hit one of the cats in the head with the rope mouse.

3:27am – Heard loud noises. Assumed we were (for reals this time) going to die. Turned in alarm to wake up Dan and discovered that the loud noises were coming from him. Muttered an expletive and told him to roll over because he was snoring. Considered hitting him in the head with a rope mouse.

3:48am – Heard a loud noise. Considered ignoring it until I realized that it was a constant noise coming from outside. Woke up enough to peek out the window at the torrential downpour. Freaked out because the dogs were outside. Tried to gather up the cats so I could lock them up but they wouldn’t budge from under the bed. Decided to lock them in our room, threw on a jacket and boots and went running into the rain to rescue the dogs. Found them sleeping very soundly, nice and dry, in their crates. They slept through the loud thunder but when they heard me coming, got up and started barking. Of course. Forced them to come inside because I hate the smell of wet dog.

3:54am – On my stomach, trying to coax cats out from under the bed. Their litter boxes are upstairs and there is no way I’m cooping them up in our room without access. Finally got one to come to me. Fed her a treat in front of the other two to trick them to come out from under the bed and carried her upstairs.

4:02am – On my stomach again, trying to lure two cats out from under the bed with another treat. One finally comes over to me. Rain and thunder have died down, so he apparently felt safe. The other is still being a turd.

4:11am – Dan lets out a loud snorting noise during his snoring. This startles the cat enough to come running out from under the bed. I win! Kinda.

4:17am – Finally have all three cats upstairs. Check on the dogs. Check the locks on the doors and peak my head into the garage to make sure everything is locked up tight. Discover rain water pouring through the roof.

4:23am – Go to bed. I’m done.

I’ve been giving a lot of thought to the upcoming “holiday.” I use quotes, because I’m not entirely sure why people in love should celebrate that they are in love on a specific day. Shouldn’t that be a year-round thing?

Actually, Valentine’s Day is in memory of Saint Valentine, a pope who was martyred. The holiday started off as a day to declare love and propose marriage. Somehow it morphed into candy hearts and overpriced flowers. Did you know in Korea that they celebrate a love-related day on the 14th of every month? I’m not entirely sure why I know that fact.

Back to the subject. Most Valentine’s Day celebrations involve Dan and I agreeing not to go overboard on gifts. I buy him a reasonably priced little gadget that I saw at Best Buy or at the As Seen on TV Store. The next thing I know, a charge pops up on our bank statement for 10-20 times what I paid. This normally leads to the following conversation:

Me: I thought we agreed to spend less than $20 this year!
Dan: …
Me: Hello?
Dan: …I don’t know what you’re talking about?
Me: That would sound more convincing if you didn’t phrase it like a question.
Dan: What do you mean?
Me: We said, nay PROMISED, that we wouldn’t spend a lot on Valentine’s Day this year. We pinkie swore and everything!
Dan: But you’re going to really like your gift!
Me: That is not the point! We made an agreement, you promised! And if I can’t rely on your promises now, what does that say for our marriage vows?! You promised then to obey me and stuff!
Dan: I’m pretty sure the word “obey” was never in our marriage vow.
Me: Neither was “make your wife look cheap.”

So this year, I made him uber-promise that we would not buy each other gifts. “Gifts” include flowers, anything in a velvet box, anything from a craft/scrap store and clothing.

“Gifts” does not include a pony. I’m leaving the option open.

Dan agreed to make dinner and I agreed to provide dessert! I’m thinking ice cream. Maybe Hershey’s chocolate sauce. Because that’s how classy I am.